Excuse my Rant, and my French!
So the Champions Trophy is over for Pakistan but the hangover continues. It feels like running out of tequila at a Shoaib Akhtar and Meera joint press conference. Oh God please no!
My problem isn’t the fact that we lost to a weakened New Zealand team, a country that plays its cricket on ‘Australian Football’ fields no less. My expectations were already surpassed having beaten India and almost Australia so the semi final was a bonus. It isn’t the ghastly batting display we put up either. We were due a reunion with normality and it came. It isn’t even Rana Naved and Umar Gul’s bowling, which incidentally could benefit respectively from going back to bald and retiring to T20. And it definitely isn’t the umpiring. If we refer Umar Akmal’s decision to the third umpire then we do the same with Suresh Raina’s a few days earlier. Decisions ultimately even out, just as they did here.
My problem instead is that in spite of all this we had an opportunity to win and Captain Happy dropped it. Can someone please explain to me how you drop something that Pamela Anderson could have bounced off both her silicone plated breasts and still catch in her belly button? My love hate relationship (purely platonic) with Happy aside, this is a **** up of such gigantic proportions that it puts the “venereal warts” incident to Hameed Dogar losing his pants shame.
To top it all, he is trying to incriminate the broken finger? To quote Happy, “This is life. It’s a matter of playing for the nation with a broken finger and that same finger, unfortunately, dropped the catch”. No you verbal diarrhea’d out moron. The ‘finger’ didn’t drop anything. You dropped it because you decided to catch the cricket ball like a dip shit. And this isn’t life. Life is female bombshells with tight arses, lesbian tendencies, and chocolate chip cookies, not hellish catastrophes.
And Happy, understand this also. If you are going to insist on being a dick then at least stop batting like a pussy. 2009 is nearly over. You have played 16 innings and only scored 2 fifties, averaging less than 25. You did **** all this tournament and you’ve done just about that in your career so far. Grow a pair quickly and score some runs for your country.
Also while you’re at it, do the following:
(1) Feed Imran Nazir to either an alligator or Inti, who ever comes first. Either way, make sure you provide proof that he will never set foot in a cricket stadium again.
(2) Tell Umar Gul he is shit, over rated, and shit. 12 wickets in the last 10 ODIs. I rest my case.
(3) Go rent the movie Hancock and watch the scene where Will Smith shoves someone’s head into someone else’s ass. Now go do the same to Rana.
(4) Make some sense when you speak. If you know that there is no way you are going to accomplish this then just stick to smiling and praising God.
To rest of the cricket team I missed out on, apart from Mohammad Aamer and Umar Akmal, **** you too! Also apart from Saeed Ajmal. You’re ok as well.
Rant over!
after the fight back displayed by our bowlers – shame on the moron yuk to have said that the bowling disappointed – your mother disappointed your dad by bring your ugly face out of her **** ; ****** aadmi. also, stop bring imran nazir to two extremes – first you ask him to go blast em, then you ask him to play like salim malik and block everything under the sun – let him be – he’s a moron that can never change – eff him and his effing £$%^£. yo yo is a joker – he face just pisses me off – not as much as malik though – hes a strange character who i have not had any respect for (i know he played well against india – he didnt do it for u assholes – it prob saved his freakin career ).
rana – what the hell was yuk thinking choosing this fat ass over razzaq – i mean seriously? and why on gods green earth (and im not just saying this – anyone who knows me knows ive been saying this since day 1) why oh why would u not play asif!!!!!!! esp when u consider rana an all rounder (my dick is a better all rounder than his pube hair infested head – get your effing priorities right!) afridi needs to control his batting yaar – he’s bowling soo soo well. ajmal is awesome – better all rounder than fuckin rana, and aamer is unbelievable – would prob be better as vice captain under afridi’s captaincy. yuk – buy a bat not as thin as your **** – hit the nets 3 hours a day till the next game – otherwise just go and kill yourself. we dont love u anymore. the smile aint what it used to be.
Ok, having read what DH and Kizz have had to say, i definetly feel that a lot of what is said was uncalled for the team is playing well, we are not going to win every game we go out to play, there will be days we lose unfortunately it happened in a crunch game.
If we had won the game against NZ would both of you still have the same opinion?? Fcats are that our batting failed, but we pushed them to the 48th over to score 234, that my friends shows that we are no longer the team taht will roll over and die, even against the aussies we had them on the ropes, the very rana that is being villified was the man who bowled 20 dot balls at the death to bring us roaring back into the game. for all its worth Aglay bhee khelna ayee thay! But if this is just a frustration vent bareed of any rationale or cognisant thought, then ****** **** *** **** **** !!! *** *** **** **** ***** !
Asif to open the batting and all problems solved.
Danyaal … You’re a legend. Couldn’t have summed it up better.
Dude, this kicks ass! Go Go Go! I call him “turtle” – ha ha!
I totally understand (and share) the disappointment. However I feel that us Pakistanis have a tendency to get overly angry (and also overly happy) over things such as cricket. Not to state the obvious cliche, it is only a game!
By comparison Australia – who ended up winning the Champions Trophy – had a miserable summer. They lost the Ashes to a weaker England side, the batting was average, and Mitchell Johnson (their star bowler) was worse than the description of Umar Gul provided in your rant. And you know what? They were all retained for the Champions Trophy and no one was calling for the wholesale execution of the Australian team.
Yes you can argue that they are more disciplined, a better team, blah blah blah. But the point is that their nation stand behind them – when they win and especially when they lose.
I personally, would love to see Pakistanis (myself included) do that more often. As I said after the match, finishing the tournament in the top 4 is better than being in the bottom four. If nothing else, you can take comfort by reminding our Indian friends about that!
One doesn’t neeed to use such profanity and vulgar language when getting their point across. The same opinions could be expressed without being so revolting.
All thanks for the feedback and comments so far …
@ Unnecessary: Firstly apologies. I appreciate that good writing does not need profanities to make the point. However, at times feelings need a healthy outlet. All of us are passionate about a lot of things and lets admit that passion does a lot of times boil over in “profanity”. Plus i genuinely thought a lot of people will connect to what I have written here be it a somewhat over the top summation of events. So to cut a long story short I hope today’s passionate diatribe has not totally put you off with my writing and that you do return for more “mature” installments like the ones that preceeded this rant.
@ Shujah: Dude completely agree. We are guilty of this and take the point fully. I am also extremely proud of the team and what they have achieved over the last 6 months, albeit the dropped catch had me thinking again! Nonetheless hope that in some way, shape, or form you could connect with the feelings I tried to put down on paper … cause buddy it was a dolly that he spilled
@ Faisal: “Turtle” … haha definitely !!
@ Noor: “aap mahaan hain” … thanks
@ Ahmad: Im venting … let me vent .. i know once i turn sane tomorrow i will be ecstatic about Pakistan finally having depth in their bowling and yes Rana is not all that bad considering what he did vs. Australia. Also we are fighting and all credit to Happy and the team. But we were so close and that catch was miserably easy! Like you said batting remains concern but it always has been and again we have choices with Umar Akmal coming through and Fawad waiting in the wings. Things ARE looking up!
@Necessary,
umm…how can you possibly complain about the language with that massive graphic preceding the post (not to mention the title)? jeez
as for my two cents…I think 40 yr-old -virgin Rana needs to get a proper hajamat and the axe…ludicrous shot to get out to, not to mention all those no balls. Despite the low score and Younis Khant Catch, I can’t help but think it could have been different if we had the Chursee bowling at the end. We’ll never know.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, Mr. Jamshed Khan Dasti, head of our Parliamentary Committee on Sports (if that isn’t a sign of progress I don’t know what is), has just accused the team of throwing both the semifinal and the Australia game. So now to make it even better, we have the politicians getting involved as well. Maybe Happy & Smiles will have a meeting soon, and Bilawal will take over the captaincy…we just need Imran Khan’s secret “will” to magically appear and make it so…
@ Faraz – Only read about it after your comment. This is insane! What show are we putting on for the world? Chcck out this guy’s background here http://blog.dawn.com:91/dblog/2009/10/06/dasti-give-us-a-break/ … i trust DAWN to be the most credible Pakistani newspaper so im sure all info stated here are very accurate!
What the hell?
I really enjoyed the article…but totally agree with Shujah’s response.
NZ play on rugby pitches in NZ apart from the Basin in Wellington which is a pure cricket ground. There are no Australian football grounds in NZ.
Hey Daniyal! Man, you’re such a typical emotional subcontinent cricket fanatic!
Ben – Oops! Duely noted. It seems Like Google has let me down or maybe I have let Google down? Not sure but either way, I rest my case.
ps. New Zealand rocks as a cricket “TEAM”! I wish the Pakistan team had their team spirit!
i agree it was a tough loss, one symbolic of most teams from the sub-continent, but take heart from the fact that your team at least made it to the semis…a team which is embroiled in political intervention, a p***y of a captain, internal fissures, corruption, etc. etc. thats more than you can say of the damn indian team carrying the favorite tag who have been unceremoniously dumped out in the leage stages in both the T20 world cup and now this. may i suggest for your next article that you investigate why indian bowlers (aka munaf, pathan, ishant, you-name-it) start off in the 140k’s and then drop to the 120k’s (on a helpful pitch) within 12 months while pakistan continues to unearth bowlers who bowl at the same steady pace THROUGHOUT THEIR CAREERS?? real analysis though – none of the cliches about money and advertisements and bollywood, etc.
Intresting, this was actually a very great read! thanks
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